Great question! There are many techniques with which to improve communication with a loved one. However, for the sake of time, there are three concepts I want to discuss that are extremely helpful; and, when possible, I would suggest taking some time to delve into each one in more depth. The first one is the concept of a "Love Bank". The second one is the concept of boundary settings. The last one is the attitude of winning for the sake of the relationship. Since each concept requires some - explanation - I'll post to the blog in three separate parts.
Part 1 - The Love Bank:
One aspect of the "Love Bank", as its name implies, is one of investing - investing time in understanding the other person. In John 13:34 we are commanded by the Lord to love others as we love ourselves. Think about that for a moment - loving someone as you love yourself. Assuming you love yourself, think about the things you do for yourself. You do certain things for yourself based on self-knowledge - i.e. your
likes and dislikes. So it is when you are in relationship with someone. Study that person until you know their likes and dislikes as well as your own. In addition, just like you have pet peeves and hot buttons - so does that other person. Get to know what these things are as well.
Then the second aspect of the "Love Bank” is to make deposits into that persons "Love Bank". The idea is to make more deposits than you do withdrawals. Just like your bank account in the natural needs to have money in it when you make withdrawals and/or write checks - so does the other person's account need a reserve in order to withstand those times when you do make a withdrawal - perhaps as a result of a disagreement.
A key component of the "Love Bank" is to make the deposits based on what pleases the other person - and not based on-what pleases you. This is not always an easy thing to do - but if the other person reciprocates - then relationship will continue to grow and weather the storms/withdrawals.
See Dr. Harley's website for more information on the "Love Bank" concept.
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html
I really like that idea of the "Love Bank". The comparison to a real bank account made that concept more than clear to me. It is key to make more deposits than withdrawls. I will apply that to my encounters with friendships and relationships! You must put in what you expect to get out!
ReplyDeleteOh wow! This is a great article! I never thought about it in this way and from now on, I will make more deposits into what someone actually likes, versus just making random deposits of things that I THINK they like.
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