Question #1: How do you learn to communicate better with a boyfriend/girlfriend? Spouse?

Part 3 - Winning for the Sake of the Relationship:

This concept should be obvious to most people but I'm amazed at how few either don't understand it or simply ignore it - particularly when in a heated argument. The idea is not to win the argument for the sake of being right; rather, seek to win for the relationship. These two thoughts (winning the argument versus winning for the relationship) may appear to be at opposite ends of the spectrum for the individual. However, ultimately every one wins if the relationship stays intact and continues to grow in a loving fashion.

Many people are so adept at winning an argument or heated discussion that they oftentimes fail to see the damage being done to the relationship. While others may be so intent on avoiding a confrontation that they agree to every demand - but in their heart they are truly resentful of the other person and eventually, the relationship. This really all comes down to how each person deals with a conflict. If you fall into either of the wo categories I just mentioned then you probably need some guidance as to how to effectively work through confrontational situations. Let's face it, most of us would rather not deal with a conflict - but lf the conflict is successfully navigated by both parties - then it has the potential to cause you both, and the relationship, to grow in ways you never thought possible.

In the meantime, here are a few suggestions for handling a challenging conversation.
A) Be mindful of trying to understand what the other person is really saying.
B) Look at their body language.
C) Listen to the heart of the matter - and try very hard to look past the hurtful things they might say.
D) Ask open-ended, non-threatening questions to clarify. Oftentimes, a person that may be difficult to communicate with has a tendency to say hurtful things because they themselves feel vulnerable, hurt and/or confused. Confused in that they haven't done the soul searching to connect what they feel inside with "the what" and "the why" of how things are coming out of their mouth. Your questions could possibly help them understand themselves better and allow you both to look at issues in a more objective fashion.
E) If you find yourself getting heated - politely remove yourself from the discussion and ask that it be resumed at a later time when you've both had a chance to cool off, think and pray about the conversation.

None of these suggestions are easy. It truly takes a third person, the Holy Spirit, being at the center of each person's life; and, hence, the relationship, to keep a relationship intact. Ephesians 4:29 says that we are to be tender and kind-hearted to one another. Another Scripture says that we are to treat others more highly than ourselves. These concepts boggle the human mind and can only be done when yielded to the Holy Spirit. However, it can be accomplished; otherwise, the Lord wouldn't ask it of us; and, whatever He asks of us – He has already provided the grace for us to do it.